Britain's Next Top (Gay Porn) Model

Want to be a gay porn star? One of Britain’s leading labels Euroboy are starting a nationwide search for their next star!

The winner gets £200 (which is just enough to buy a pair of shiny jeans in Zara and a meal for two with wine in Zizzis)

And:

A leading role in a new Euroboy film (a bit like making a DVD of treasured holiday memories, but only it involves you having bum sex with a stranger and will be available for purchase in sex shops so that OAPs can get off over it and your old school mates can bag a copy for shits and giggles)

AND:

They will be signed up to Kiss Lads (an adult model agency who specialise in natural looking twinks and who supply models to numerous gay porn shoots in Britain)

AND, saving the best till last:

The winner will feature in the erotic pages of Gay Times (admittedly quite near the back of the mag, in the pages that most magazines fill with novelty ringtone adverts, but an action-packed set of pages nevertheless with a 3:1 ratio of cocks to words).

NOW, before you think I’m against the idea of Euroboy’s Next Top Model, I’m not. If you’re confident being naked, see sex as a leisure pursuit and see the Andy Warhol side of life, then go for it! Let your hair down, drop your pants and start shooting. Just make sure you know what you’re signing up for that’s all.

I’ve met the owners of Kiss Lads before on an assignment for Gay Times, and they’re a lovely gay couple in the West Midlands who are kind and supportive towards all of their models. Unlike some guys in the business the men behind Kiss Lads aren’t creepy, they never touch the models and they’re fun to hang out with. I even interviewed their youngest model Anthony Adams, who turned eighteen just weeks before his first film, and he was having a whale of a time.

Being an adult movie model can also be a fun way to meet other boys like you, especially if you live in a provincial and disconnected area, as the agency will cover your travel costs and put you up in a hotel room with the other boys during shoots, like a kinky school trip basically.

There’s not a lot of money in British gay porn, but if you’re a favourite amongst casting directors you could earn upto £6000 a year, and that would only be for about 28 days work across the year.

BUT REMEMBER, porn is for life, not just for pocket money. Even with the option of “buying yourself out” later on in life, you’ll never be able to fully know if you’ve drawn in all the copies of your DVDs. Featuring in a porn film could come back to haunt you, depending what your future ambitions are.

Still, we’re moving into a period of transparency, acceptability, and sexual laissez-faire. Being a porn star is nothing to be ashamed of and it can even be a springboard for success and oppurtunities in other fields, in the film industry, in the tourism industry, and the media in general.

My philosophy is let your hair down and have some fun.

TO ENTER:

See the Gay Times blog post here for more information, or just email a photo of yourself with proof of ID and basic stats to euroboy@millivres.co.uk You have to be over 18 obviously, although I suspect the winner won't be too much older than that, given that Kiss Lads mainly have models aged 19-22.

Chav Lads: Why does the gay industry fetishize the working class?




Stoke Newington literary festival was buzzing last month as the Guardian’s Suzanne Moore and the Independent’s Johann Hari made an appearance to discuss Owen Jones’ radical new book Chavs: The Demonization of the Working Class. Moore argued that the chav phenomena was possibly on its way out, whilst Hari made the point that all minority groups have a tendency to define themselves into subgroups, including gay men who increasingly say things like “I’m not an annoying camp gay man, I’m alright, I’m one of the better gay men”

It was interesting that Hari brought gay culture into the debate on “chavs” and the demonization of the working class, because one of the gay community’s biggest fictitious indulgences is the chav aesthetic and it’s about time somebody looked into this.

It may come as a surprise to those of you who don’t swim in the deep end of gay pop culture, but dating sites like Fitlads are full of gay men who have chav fetishes, to the point that middle-class lawyers dress up and photograph themselves smoking topless in tracksuit bottoms with backwardly tipped caps. Phrases like “36 year-old scally lad lookin’ to top dirty rude boys” are common-place.

Of course “genuine chavs”, or more rather, victims of chav-tagging don’t actually identify as a chav, they’re not self-proclaimed “scallies”, and so the whole affair is a farcical façade. They're all fakers, modern-day minstrels mimicking our nation's poorest. Ironically, this particular brand of gay men who consider themselves “straight-acting” are actually just harlequins taking on a gritty role that is arguably more theatrical than the set of a drag queen.

There are dozens of chav-themed gay club nights across Britain, too many to name, but a quick Google search shows that London has its own basement night called ‘Scally Ladz’, as well as ‘tracksuit only’ sauna parties and chav events in Vauxhall.There is chav attire and merchandise in Soho fashion stores: not only bling and caps but DVDs like “Dirty Chavs Innit”, the synopsis of which begins “Randy foul-mouthed lads straight off the estate”, and subscription sites like British Boy, Gay Scally Porn and Scally Studs specialise in fanciful sex scenes where skinny white boys crowd around wearing neck chains and white Puma socks, sex scenes that always seem to take place behind bus shelters or in undecorated bedrooms.

Last month for GT (Gay Times) I interviewed a gay porn director who told me “It’s not just here, the main demand lies in America where they don’t actually know the word ‘chav’ but they’re becoming obsessed with that English look – skinny pale boys who act rough” So there is a market for chavs now, not as a consumer group, but as a product in itself. And the trend is global. In France there is a North African gay erotica scene, whilst in Germany one can even find gay nights based around the theme of Turkish immigrants. Indeed, it would seem the gay community has a brilliant inbuilt survival mechanism that can take any social problem and turn it into a party, but in the case of ‘chavs’ has it delivered one step too far? Is the gay limb of the sex industry now pedalling this particular cultural nuance disproportionately, fortifying and even dictating our prejudice?

Perhaps gay men lust after the sense of danger and wrongness that sleeping with a "dirty chav" presents? After all, the largely fictional chav portrait shows these boys to be coarse, homophobic and with a tendency for violence and criminality. This no doubt makes the chav a tantalising sexual conquest for a sector of socially bored identity-confused men.

Many gay men experience in their adolescence a phase of self-doubt and self-loathing as they realise that their heart’s path swims against the maintream tide. Does the faceless, abhorrent ‘chav’ represent a vehicle for revenge and self-expression? Or as a blogger for Bent magazine put it last month – “they want to do the guy who bullied them at school”. Or is the chav a character through which the gay man seeks to rediscover the clandestine excitement of his sexual awakening?

The elite’s sexual obsession with the working class has historical foundations. We see it in the life of Oscar Wilde who had a penchant for renting rough penniless youths. We see it in Chaucerian Britain when particular boys were plucked from obscure peasant backgrounds to become courtiers and be doted on by fond masters. Perhaps in the past sleeping with a lower class of man enabled the homosexual to keep his (then illegal) sex at an arm’s length from his own social peers?

D.H.Lawrence’s 1920s romp Lady Chatterley’s Lover does a fine job of highlighting the perpetual social insecurity between classes, and goes as far to suggest that sex with people who have less is worth more, it feels closer to nature. Perhaps the beacon of ‘chav’ offers a window of escapism through which middle-class gay men can forget the plight of their office jobs? The chav concept also functions to some as a highly-sought contrast to the sickly-sweet centre of mainstream gay pop culture. Nothing could be more remote from a sequin-clad Soho drag queen than a skinhead in a stark Stockwell council flat (despite the fact that ironically one can be both!)

Of course only a very small portion of gay men fetishize chavs, and this blog post seeks only to explore the reasons behind why the chav aesthetic is such a successful spoke of the gay industry’s wheel. Soho video stores are stuffed with titles like the ‘Rude Boiz’ series, whilst the tills of tracksuit-only gay nights are ringing. But what are the longterm socio-political implications of this fantasy?

I think it may have a negative impact on how young gay men grow up to view society and build up the idea of a non-existent ‘underclass’ of ‘scally lads’ all desperate for illicit gay sex and cold council flat orgies, when actually, in my experience, gay working class men are often a lot happier with themselves, a lot more comfortable with their sexuality and a lot more open-minded than their wound-up, more-educated, mother-dodging, mozzarella-scoffing middle class counterparts.

Owen Jones concludes in his book on chavs that “the demonization of the working class is the flagrant triumphalism of the rich who, no longer challenged by those below them, instead point and laugh at them”



Gay writers have always satirised the rich. Just look at the plays Wilde penned when he wasn’t beneath the sheets with chimney sweeps, and look at the works of his contemporary imitators like Stephen Fry. Perhaps one solution would be for gay pop culture to fetishize the rich too. But who would attend a club night where the dress-code was fluorescent socks, comb-overs and garishly large cufflinks? I will therefore now start work on my first adult movie – Eton Messs.

Hopefully in 10 years or so we’ll be able to look back on ‘chav’ porn and it will seem as dated, ridiculously artificial and perversely constructed as the 1970s Tom O' Finland clones in their skin-tight leather trousers and squirrelly moustaches. And let’s pray that these boys who are making chav porn for a measly £150 per scene are in a fortunate enough position to join in with that laughing.

Sugababes New Single 'Freedom' - June 2011

Suzanne Moore just shared a link via Twitter to Mazzy Star's famous OC soundtrack tune Into Dust. I clicked on the link obediently wondering what the reason behind this unexplained sharing, but before I could work it out and before David Roback's pletrum had even left his guitar string I noticed a hot pink promotional video in the YouTube roll on the right - "Sugababes New Single", I immediately clicked on that instead and a bizarre Barbie-themed Nokia advert pops up:

Freedom - a snippet of a new Sugababes single:




I'm not sure what I think yet. Jake and Dinos Chapman spring to mind. So does some dance song from that 90s that I currently cannot recall (the one that goes "You got all that I need" or something?). When the babes yell "Ooh-yeahuHhhHHH" it all sounds very Aguilera.

Let's just hope the Nokia promotion stops here though and the Sugababes' new material doesn't become a Nadine Coyle esque "Only available in the cereals and crisps aisle" gold handcuffed nightmare.

Whilst I'm sharing YouTube videos like I'm some goth fairy on Tumblr, and whilst we're on a pretty and pink theme, could I also draw your attention to the post-feminist omnisexual anthem organ-laced Burger Baby by unsung queer pop heroes Gravy Train!!!! (the exclamation marks are part of their name)

Click on this peachy butt bee-arches:



Behind the Scenes: The making of the Sugababes Nokia ad:


I caught up with Sophy Woltman who worked on the doll video as part of Wieden & Kennedy who are Nokia's ad agency:

Q: So what are these dolls?

SW: They're are super cool dolls made by a brand called Integrity.

Q: So were the Sugababes not involved themselves?

SW: It's a collaborative project. We wanted to use Sugababes' new song Freedom because it has the right sound and works really well with the ad's concepts.

Q: Concepts being?

SW: Well for a start we wanted an ad with a music video feel to it, and secondly we were playing with the idea of product placement and the role that commercial brands play in music videos.

Q: How. Ironic.

SW: Yes!

Q: So have Sugababes even seen this video?

SW: Yes they have, they got in touch to say they love it.

Q: Do you have a favourite Sugababes song?

SW: I have to admit, I've always liked their first ever song Overload best, but their new song Freedom is pretty brilliant I think you'll agree.

Q: And who is the mastermind behind this Nokia video?

SW: Well, there's the director David Wilson, and the creatives Alex Holder and Oli Beale. You should watch the 'making of' on YouTube it's BRILLIANT.

Thanks Sophy, we will do!

9 Album Covers That Defined My Pre-Adolescence

Now I know I could have made this blog post a badge of coolness and filled it with Bjork, Radiohead, Nirvana and Patti Smith. Indeed, there were several cool LPs lying around the front room of my childhood like Grace Jones, The Human League and Annie Lennox that just didn't interest me. Both of my parents are very into their pop music, although my mum's passion for 1980s female artists definitely conquered over my Dad's enjoyment of Bob Dylan, Sweet, Wishbone Ash and the back end of the 70s. I'm an only child too so I never had older siblings to drip feed me chart music.


This list is the music that I played over and over, and the images that accompanied each, the records whose covers wetted, no, drowned, my young imagination whether I like to admit it or not! Of course around the corner lay adolescence and it was my interest in Basement Jaxx that became my ticket into my next phase - I soon moved onto the dizzyingly cool heights of Chemical Brothers, Armand Van Helden and Faithless (although Kate would be back in good stead!)


1) 2 Unlimited - Get Ready For This


Literally the fastest and most intense song I'd ever heard. It the Crystal Castles of the early 90s, and although I'm sure it was the incredibly mainstream surface of a much more interesting rave scene that I was unaware of, I loved this single and played it on repeat. I even had an alien dance for the slower break sections two thirds of the way through.


2) Basement Jaxx - Remedy


I'm not sure how I got into Basement Jaxx as an only child living in the countryside near Melton Mowbray. Presumably through Radio 1. I used to stare at the cover of Remedy trying to work out which way round the bodies were and whether they belonged to men or women. The cover image, which I suppose in hindsight is an orgy, excited me.


3) Billie Piper - Billie


Because We Want To was an instant classic, embarrassingly I think I genuinely thought it was rebellious! The softer than soft depiction of Billie's face on the cassette tape cover fascinated me, I remember staring at it for the near duration of a coach trip to France, sitting next to a boy called Edward Long. I remember him telling me that 'Oops I Did It Again' had been voted the best album of the last twenty years by music industry professionals. I wonder what happened to Edward Long? Wherever he is I bet he's mega straight and has forgotten his one-time magical pop touch.


4) Corona - Rhythm of The Night



Like I said, I lived in the countryside near Melton Mowbray where the most exciting the landscape within a mile of my house got was this meander that bubbled froth. So staring at the stock image of skyscrapers on Corona's single was like seeing the future in a crystal ball. I remember asking my friend to watch me sing this from the otherside of a fish tank. If you're reading Joshua - I hope the councilling isn't costing you too much. I still like this song, along with any other 90s dance track that includes Rhythm in the title.


5) Vengaboys - The Party Album



As a contemporary teenager would say or type - "OMFG!!!" I first heard Up & Down on a Now CD and wasn't too enthralled, but We Like To Party - that's a whole different story. The Vengaboys were the first band in my life who could seriously rival Aqua. I had an obession with Kim's animated tits and remember lying to my friend Matt Bishop that I had a poster of her topless holding a cowboy hat over her vajayjay. When you take away the lyrics The Vengaboys essentially made European house pop, which is perhaps why I can't really digest Guetta today. I stuck with The Vengboys all the way through despite hating their later work, if I ever meet them - they owe me lunch.


6) Kate Bush - Lionheart


Being INCREDIBLY honest here - I didn't like it when mum played Kate Bush. I used to find Kate's voice too shrill and her tunes seemed to drag on and bore me. Basically she was too challenging and I'd not experienced enough of the world in order to turn her records into pairs of arms and wrap them around me. But something must have clicked subconciously because later aged 15 I became a mega fan, strangely enough through The Red Shoes. Still, the front cover of Lionheart made a big impact on me as a child and I used to CRAVE having my own lion suit. Funnily enough animal suits have had a bit of a fashion renaissance of late.


7) Cher - Love Hurts


Another of my mum's CDs technically. Cher's voice was impossible to ignore and I think I could sense how much my mum connected with the passion and anger behind some of her songs. I was really into playing cards from a young age, not card games themselves, but the images of Kings, Queens and yes - Jacks. I loved the way in which the characters were depicted upside down immediately beneath themselves, a reverse mirror image and I used to draw my own versions. So when I saw Cher's playing card themed cover to Love Hurts I was, erm, stunned I guess!


8) I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred


Whoever now lives in my childhood home - if you were wondering why there are dents all over the front room floorboards - it was me in my mum's heels. CLASSIC



9) Cyndi Lauper - She's So Unusual


This is the back of the LP not the front. I used to pretend the ferris wheel here was a pylon in a field near my house, and I was fascinated by the oil paints (clearly now I see it's a Vangogh copy) on the reverse of these shoes. So Dorothy.



So - there you have it! 9 images, 9 childhood memories.

Jameela Jamil: One Pose To Rule T4


I like Jameela Jamil. I mean, I wouldn't go as far to say I Facebook 'Like' her, and she's certainly not as acute or comedic as some of her more succesful T4 predecessors but she's a general healthy hybrid of things that work for T4, and as my hot blogger friend Adam says "she is the woman of every single ethnicity"

I must admit, I felt a bit robbed of a quid with the recent issue of COMPANY mag, as although Jameela looked beautiful on the crazy-cool cover, there was next-to-nothing to read or look at inside, compared to say GLAMOUR which is action-packed with all manner of funky things to mull over. Then again I am a 23-year-old male. Sad times. Jameela Jamil has her own "column" in COMPANY, but it's nowhere near as exciting as her Wikipedia page.

SO. At the weekend we were discussing T4 presenters in my friend's friend's trendy Dalston-based kitchen when my old pal Shirley Knot said "How can you like Jameela when she only has one pose?" - And so last night I Google imaged her, and yes - as usual -Shirley is so right. Jameela Jamil has the same pose in the majority of her photos.

The Jameela pose consists of one sharp Tobleronesque elbow flapped out like an origami swan's wing, and a slight quarter profile turn of the whole body, adorned with a geek-chic pout to achieve the flattered-Disney-llama effect.

Can someone please start a blog called "Jameela Jamil and her ONE POSE" ? You never know, it might become a smash hit like "Kim Jong Il Looking At Things". And I'm sure Jameela gets paid to be photographed with those empty handbags anyway.