Pictured above: Bryn Lucas, live presenter of Super Casino on Channel 5 - far too attractive to be presenting this kind of subterranean money-making smut, get him on Shameless and get him in the shower sharpish.
I was watching Channel 5 by mistake last night and like everytime I accidentally tune-in to the channel I ended up with a new Random Channel Five TV Personality Crush. My first ever RC5TVPC was an innocent fixation with Melinda Messenger in 2001 as she hopped up and down Fort Boyard killing paisley personal trainers from Kent with her globular knockers and blinding French seals with her titanium grin.
After Melinda there was Alex Lovell, a haplessly beautiful presenter on Brain Teaser who looked a bit like Bugs Bunny's bitch, which I watched during the school holidays at midday. Now, as a proper adult, and one who's decided to be gay, it's only late night TV that I get the chance to watch, usually with a slice of toast whilst a one-night-stand is "quickly using the bathroom", but Channel 5 still deliver - that's right, even in the dead of night their live TV studios are packed with attractive lantern-jawed men in tight-fitting silver suits.
So. Roll on THIS dude (above) who presents Super Casino, an interactive phone-in roulette show, like Red & Black but without dragged-out bollocks and plaice-faced plebs. On Super Casino all you do is watch the Roulette wheel spin whilst listening to the presenter's futile attempts at conversation whilst imagining him crouched over a laptop in his Elstree Studios hotel towelling robe when his shift is over later.
I Googled "Presenters on Super Casino" on my phone - desperate to learn more about this attractive chappy and came across this little bio - turns out he's called Bryn Lucas:
“With early dreams of being a professional footballer we’re thankful Bryn turned to acting and presenting in his early twenties. Easy on the eye, Byrn’s is described by his friends as loud and lively, with an army of brothers and sisters Bryn has a total of six siblings. Bryn adores Mexican food but you will have to go for dinner with him before he reveals his party trick, his lips are firmly stealed as not to spoil any surprise. A real softy, Ben enjoys nothing more than playing with his border colly Jamie, but don’t be fooled as he hides a darker side – he once owned a snake called Killer and fronted his own rock band”
So…there’s quite a lot to hang hope off here: “Loud and lively, a real softie”, Bryn has a dog, he is one of many siblings and he quit football for acting. Surely therefore a chance therefore that he’s gay? Also – whoever wrote this summary of Bryn has littered the passage with close pairings of suggestive words - “reveals his party tricks”, “lips – firmly”, “hides a darker side” - ???
Beneath the video there are facts about Bryn too, including this:
““He once got a warning for stealing a life size cardboard cut-out of Ginger Spice from Woolworths in Kidderminster”
One final word: FIT!
One final word: FIT!
You can follow Bryn on Twitter @BrynLucas - personally I'm scared to in case it confirms my worst fears - that Bryn is massively heterosexual. Still, even if he is, there is still the possibility of a same-sex liaison - who knows - what with trying football, acting, rocking and now presenting - Bryn is clearly eager for fame and so perhaps, like so many Channel 5 presenters before him, he would widen the goal posts of his sexual appetite if it meant getting a few rungs higher.
Fuck ME this blog post has turned into a mess. I should probably finish by saying to Bryn, if you're reading this - "Hello" - and "Don't worry" - I am not going to stalk you. And then I should apologise to everyone else for this blog post. Where most would just say "He's pretty fit", whilst watching their television, I have gone and dragged the very same sentiment into about 800 words, and achieved nothing.
P.s. Yes, that IN Bryn in the shower with a dog tattoo. It's a screengrab from his promotional video on the Channel 5 website. I know.
Bryn got in touch with me on Twitter to confirm that he is a happy heterosexual man. Also, he doesn't Tweet much so he would rather fans found him on Facebook here.