A-Z Causes of Cancer: According to The Daily Mail


A colleague just sent me this list below of what causes cancer according to The Daily Mail. I just had to paste it on Jack of Hearts.
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The hilarious role call of fatal threats takes me right back to my summer holidays when my step-grandmother would talk about these incessant cancer scare articles over afternoon tea in the garden. Little did she know of course that gardens can give you cancer.

My favourite is 'Turning On The Lights At Night To Go To The Loo' (read the article here), followed by Till Receipts (how?!)

I'm trying to imagine what your life would be like if you avoided all of these perilous features. Lamb, left-handedness, large heads and modern living is quite an amusing cancer combo.

Tea, coffee, fizzy drinks, caffeine and water are all on here, so it looks like cookies and milk is the way forward.
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Being a man and being a woman will give you cancer, which is good news for Nadia Almada. Although blow jobs are a no-no, so maybe not so great for the reality TV star.
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I'm particularly upset that both perfume and deodorant are listed here, but that does explain that woman I see on the tube each morning reading The Daily Mail.
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Stress, which is definitely a real cause of cancer, isn't on the list. Nor is Little John, or, even more surprising for The Daily Mail - being gay.
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B has to be the saddest section, what with biscuits, broken hearts and bubble bath, it's as if a Mail journalist has gone through Bridget Jones with a big black cancer pen. CEREAL - CANCER! SEX - CANCER! CITY LIVING - CANCER!
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Have a look at these:
(Sorry about the spacing, I had to delete loads of dead links, and also Blogger is TERRIBLE at spacing)


ABORTION AGE AIR POLLUTION AIR TRAVEL ALCOHOL ALLERGIES ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS ARTIFICIAL LIGHT ASBESTOS ASPIRIN BABIES BABY BOTTLES BABY FOOD BACON BARBEQUES BATH WATER BEEF BEER BEING A BLACK PERSON BEING A WOMAN BEING A MAN BEING A SKINNY GIRL BEING SOUTHERN BISCUITS BLOWJOBS BRAS BREAD BREAST FEEDING BREAST IMPLANTS BROKEN HEARTS BUBBLE BATH BURGERS CAFFEINE CALCUIM CANDLE-LIT DINNERS CANNED FOOD CARBOHYDRATES CARS CEREAL CHEESE CHICKEN CHILDLESSNESS CHILDREN CHILDREN’S FOOD CHILLIS CHINESE MEDICINE CHIPS CHLORINE CHOCOLATE CITY LIVING CLIMATE CHANGE COCA COLA COD LIVER OIL COLD TEMPERATURES & LACK OF SUNLIGHT COFFEE CONSTIPATION CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS COOKING CORDLESS PHONES CRAYONS CURRY DENTAL X-RAYS DEODRANT DIETING DOGS EGGS EGGS ELECTRICITY ENGLISH BREAKFAST FACEBOOK FALSE NAILS FATHERHOOD FIBRE FINGER LENGTH FISH FIZZY DRINKS FLIP FLOPS FLY SPRAY FRUIT FRUIT JUICE GARDENS GRAPEFRUIT HAIR DYE HAM HEIGHT HONEY HOT DRINKS HOUSEPRIDE HRT HUGGING HULA HOOPS IVF KIDNEY TRANSPLATS LAMB LARGE HEADS LEFT-HANDEDNESS LIPSTICK LIVER TRANSPLANTS LONG RING FINGER MENOPAUSE MENSTRUATION METAL MILK MOBILE PHONES MODERN LIVING MONEY MORPHINE MOUTHWASH NUCLEAR POWER (there is no hint of irony in this article) OBESITY OESTROGEN OLDER FATHERs PASTRY PEANUT BUTTER PERFUME PICKLES PIZZA PLASTIC BAGS PORK POTATOES POVERTY PREGNANCY PRINCE CHARLES ORGANIC CRISPS PRINGLES RADIOACTIVITY (again, just no irony whatsoever) RICE SAUSAGES c RETIREMENT SEX SHAVING SKIING SOUP SPACE TRAVEL SUN CREAM TALCUM POWDER TEA TEEN SEX THIRD HAND SMOKE TILL RECEIPTS TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AT NIGHT TO GO TO THE LOO VITAMINS WAR IN IRAQ WATER WELL-DONE MEAT WI-FI WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE WORKING X-RAYS

Thankfully the Daily Mail is not on this list so let's all keep reading Britain's most wonderful trashy and tragic daily.

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